S2 E45: Brain Injury and Relationships Series: Being the Light with Tymiak and Rachel Hawkins

Written By Eryn Martin

February.  The month of commercialized love aka Valentines Day.  While buying chocolates and teddy bears is a questionable way to show you love someone; it is a good reminder that we need to show support and be vocal about appreciating those who love us, especially those who have stood by us in our worst moments.  

Brain injury is a unique circumstance in a relationship where roles change quickly.  Suddenly an independent partner has increased needs and the significant other becomes a caregiver.  This is a really hard time for the survivor and spouse.  This month, we talk with some amazing couples who have stuck together through the hard times.  A true in sickness and in health test.  

For our first in the series, stroke survivor Tymiak and his beautiful wife Rachel Hawkins provide their perspectives on what was needed for their relationship to thrive post injury.  Join us as we listen to them converse about communication, mindfulness, honesty and the roles they play in keeping a solid relationship post brain injury.

In this episode:

  • For February, we are doing a series on relationships and brain injuries interviewing rock star couples.  For our first in the series we have Tymiak and Rachel Hawkins

  • Tymiak Hawkins wrote: Becoming the Light: Navigating the Darkness after Stroke (link below)

  • Tymiak’s story: had a few weeks of vague symptoms until it really started becoming more apparent that something was wrong.  He had a dream with a figure that asked if he trusted Him.  Ty said yes and the figure told him then you need to wake up and go to the hospital. 

  • At first they told Ty and Rachel there was a mass on his brain. He got an MRI that changed the diagnosis to a cavernous angioma aka cavernous malformation (abnormal cluster of blood vessels) that caused a hemorrhagic stroke at the cerebellum and brainstem. 

    • His balance, coordination, and vision were affected. Right side of face and left extremities were affected due to the position in the brain.

    • With cavernous angiomas they monitor the abnormal clusters for any signs of bleeding.  He did not need surgery.

    • Inpatient hospitalization and acute rehab for 1 month to learn how to walk and talk again

    • Extensive outpatient therapy once discharged home

  • Fatigue post injury; good days and bad.  Cold temps tighten up muscles and make it more exhausting

  • The athlete mentality: athletic mind helped him attack his rehab but it also led to lofty goals and frustration when he couldn’t reach his goals as quickly as he was used to. 

    • Athletes are used to pushing the envelope

    • Both Rachel and Ty are athletes and are mentally prepared to work through injuries and get strong again. 

    • They are used to pushing through hardship which may have led to them to initially hold off on going to the hospital Role change from fiance to caregiver

  • Rachel becoming the caregiver wasn’t a hard choice; he’s her person, of course she wanted to care for him

    • Seeing him not being independent and needing assistance day to day was a shock but one she readily assisted with

    • Caregivers of brain injury survivors are thrown into a relationship with a new person and take on a new role in the snap of a finger.  The transition can be rough

  • Staying busy and struggling with patience post injury

    • Coming to an understanding that you need to slow down for you and for your caregiver

    • Increased emotionality post injury and the need to communicate

  • Relationship tips post injury

    • The power of communication in your relationship post injury. Relationship success relies on open and honest communication.

    • Finding a balance between your needs, rehab needs, and your relationship

    • Finding an understanding that the person rehabbing needs space to do so

    • Both being flexible to take on new challenges and responsibilities 

    • Being mindful that you are both experiencing something new and not hiding your needs

    • You both need to be open communicators  so you both know each other’s needs and can respond to them

    • You have to be willing to come together to get on the same page

  • The power of hard times can build your relationship to a more mature place

    • The injury slows you down and helps you appreciate the small things in life

    • Brain injury can open you up to a more insightful and fulfilling life

  • Priority shifts post injury

    • A shift from making money to leaving impact

    • Ty becoming an author

    • A greater appreciation of people

  • Relationshisp post injury

    • Brain injury shows you who your person or people are.  They are those people who stick with you, your ride or die.  A true in sickness and in health scenario.

    • Perspective change. Teaches you to cherish what you have because nothing is permanent

    • Regaining trust in the injured person post injury highlights again the importance of good/honest communication

  • Facing fears and getting to know yourself post injury

    • Increased communication leads you to knowing yourself better.  Since the injury is invisible, you have to be a good communicator to share what is going on with you which takes a high level of self awareness

  • The Hawkins Zen Den

    • A space that you can be with yourself and chill out

    • A room that allows you to have ‘You time’.  A place for yoga, mindfulness, and calming energy

  • The power of mindfulness

    • It's simple. It’s just being in tune with yourself

    • Try not to get stuck in the definitions of mindfulness.  It is a practice.  If you’re thinking about it you are doing it

  • The Book: Becoming the Light: Navigating the Darkness after Stroke by Tymiak Hawkins

    • A therapeutic process for Ty

    • Shares his story in detail

    • Gives his tips on what worked well for his recovery.  Gives people an idea of things to look for or try in your recovery

    • The book is large print and not a long read so it's good for those of us that struggle with traditional reading and books

    • Future state is audio book

    • A reference guide for others that is simple and to the point

  • Keep in mind, when you do a project it affects your relationship.  You both need to be ready to take something new on.  

  • 2 the T

    • Ty and his brother both have cavernous malformation.  His brother has epilepsy because of it

    • 2 the T’s goal is to become a non profit and to impact the community

    • Brings awareness to brain health, mindfulness, and mental health

  • Patreon

  • Donate section on our website.  10% of profits go to our favorite non-profit of the moment

 



Eryn Martin
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S2 E46: Brain Injury and Relationships Series: Supporting Each Other Post Stroke with Ryan and Anna Teal
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S2 E44: A Lesson in Swimming with Michael Shutt